Open House...Anyone Interested?

I've come across this gem on a consistent basis. The poster, apparently a middle-aged fellow gay, is looking for another roommate in his South Philly home. 

This one is going to be like shooting fish in a barrel...with a M1 Abrams Tank. It's rife with so many spelling, grammatical, and other errors, it's almost too easy. But that doesn't mean I'm not going to have fun with it. 

Here is the ad, in all its splendor (my apologies for the size of the image, but I'm fairly new to all these technological advancements):

OHMIGODWHERETOBEGIN?? Let me slow down and take a breath.

Okay, I'm ready now. First, let's start with the fact THAT ALMOST THE ENTIRE POST IS WRITTEN IN CAPS. This guy is either REALLY excited or he took a shit ton of uppers before, during, and possibly after writing this ad. It's the equivalent of someone screaming and rambling at the same damn time. It may be entertaining, but I'm concerned about this guy's stability. I have my own mental health issues. I'm certainly not going to live somewhere I have to be concerned with my roommate's mental health issues, too. I can't handle that at this time. 

Second, and this is one of my biggest pet peeves, is the use of apostrophes and the letter "s" to pluralize words. NEVER, EVER, EVER USE AN APOSTROPHE-"S" TO PLURALIZE!!!!!! IT IS NEVER OKAY! I can't begin to tell you how not okay this is. Apostrophe-"s" usually makes something possessive (most times it's a proper noun). The only exceptions are words like "its", "yours", "his/hers/theirs/ours," etc. You don't have to use an apostrophe to make it possessive, as it is already possessive. (God help me if I'm wrong. Those familiar with the rules of English, as well as editors/journalists can correct and then mock me.)

Third; the awful and atrocious spelling errors. "THERE" should never be interchanged with "THEIR," and vice versa. What in the hell is "marijuna?" I've never tried that before. Is it a new one? I'm also not familiar with the dog breed named "pitt bull." It's "pit bull." Done. "YOUR" is possessive; "YOU'RE" is a contraction of "you are." At least he spelled "hygiene" correctly. If you're unsure as to the correct spelling, look it up. The poster/landlord obviously has an Internet connection. 

Finally, and most importantly, are the contradictory statements. He claims he doesn't give out personal information over the Internet, yet he posts his phone numbers (which I have redacted). He also has displays the front of the house in the picture, although that might not actually be his house (which would be weird, even by this post's standards). 

My lesson is now complete. Thank you for attending.

On another note, I'm thinking about changing the name of this blog to "Crasslist." I've already registered the address. Which do you prefer? Let me know in the comments section. See ya later!!